Coping with Loss

October 15th was declared Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day after Ronald Reagan designated the entire month of October Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month in 1988. You may have seen his famous quote “When a Child loses a Parent, they are called an Orphan. When a Spouse loses her or his Partner they are a Widow or Widower. When Parents lose their Child, there isn’t a word to describe them.” And truer words had never been said. 

If you’ve experienced a loss you may find yourself feeling overwhelmed and devasted, it’s been shown that grief and emotional experience are very similar if not the same in someone who has experienced pregnancy loss and the loss of a close family friend or friend. 

That often times the guilt of a loss is so overwhelming you are constantly plagued with an endless stream of whys, what ifs and replaying everything you did in an attempt to find answers. It’s hard but don’t drive yourself crazy.

Social Media and Social Gatherings can feel isolating, somehow you’ve become a magnet for pregnancy announcements, glowing baby shower pictures and squishy newborn babes. If you need to take a break do it, no one will fault you for it. Your mental health is important.

It is also very common to experience loneliness as you are often mourning alone and in silence, there is no time off from work, service or acknowledgement of your loss, often people don’t know what to say leaving you even more alone with your grief. So what do you do? What can you do?

5 Steps to Coping with Loss
First and Foremost: Take Care of Yourself.    Mentally, Emotionally, Physically. Eat nutritiously dense food to help your body heal, but if you need a tub of Mint Chocolate Chip too, eat it. If you need your space, take it. If you need to talk, do it. If you need to stay in bed unti the pain stops, do it. If you don’t have the mental capacity for chores, buy disposables and ask for help with the laundry. Do what you need to to give yourself time to heal.

Grieve. There is no right or wrong way to grieve the loss of your child, no length of time or checklist. You do what you need to grieve your loss, Your loss is your own and it doesn’t need to meet someone else’s timetable.

Talk! Break your silence with a trusted friend or community, you would be surprised how many women are suffering in silence just like you. Don’t know where to turn? Check out these local resources:

Local Therapist specializing in Maternal Loss: www.bridgetcrosslcsw.com

Get help if you need it! In person support groups, social media and professional help are some options if you are having a hard time functioning in your everyday life or taking care of yourself and your family additional help may be needed.

Remember no matter how crazy you may feel, you are not alone.